What is Surrogate Partner Therapy?
Surrogate Partner Therapy (SPT) offers a safe environment for experiential learning with the support of both a surrogate partner and a talk therapist. With a surrogate partner, you can practice self-exploration and skills in the areas of physical and emotional intimacy with yourself and others. These therapeutic experiences can include, but are not limited to, partner work in:
- Relaxation Techniques
- Embodiment Exercises
- Effective Communication
- Sexual Education
- Sensual and Sexual touching
- Social Skills Training
You’ll then take these experiences to your talk therapist, and learn to apply them in your daily life and relationships with others. Having both practitioners to guide and support you during this process has proven to be the most effective way to find real and lasting growth.
Who is Surrogate Partner Therapy Right For?
People come to Surrogate Partner Therapy for a number of reasons. Some find difficulty relaxing in social situations, some have negative self-image, some have never known how to feel comfortable asking for what they want, and some struggle with sexual dysfunction. People with these, and any number of other concerns, find that SPT can be effective by providing supportive and knowledgeable exploration, connection, and play. Since no two people are the same, every treatment plan will be different and tailored to address your specific goals and challenges.
Some other examples of obstacles to achieving desired intimacy may include, but are not limited to:
- Lack of experience
- Shame
- Disability
- Medical Conditions
- Gender Dysphoria
- Sexual, physical, or emotional abuse and/or trauma (rape or incest, for instance)
- Questioning sexual orientation, asexuality, aromanticism
- Phobias or anxieties
- Struggles with people-pleasing
- Erectile dysfunction or Vaginismus (involuntary contraction of vaginal muscles resulting in painful penetration)
How does surrogate partner therapy work?
Surrogate partner therapy happens in a triadic model with collaboration between three key participants: the client, a licensed therapist, and a surrogate partner.
The client begins by meeting with a therapist or counselor to discuss their concerns and goals so that the clinician can evaluate whether surrogate partner therapy is an appropriate option. If so, The therapist, surrogate, and client communicate openly to align on goals and boundaries.
One on one sessions between surrogate and client typically address the following areas:
- Communication Skills:
- Teaching the client how to express needs and listen actively in a relationship.
- Emotional Intimacy:
- Helping the client feel comfortable being vulnerable and building trust.
- Physical Intimacy:
- Gradual physical exercises, such as holding hands or non-sexual touch, to build comfort with physical connection.
- Sexual Intimacy:
- If appropriate, sessions may progress to include sexual experiences to address specific concerns like performance anxiety or lack of confidence.
This work happens at the client’s pace and by building all necessary skills to support moving on to the next phases.
Ongoing therapy happens as the clinician helps the client process their experiences in therapy sessions, integrating lessons learned into their daily life. The surrogate partner and therapist maintain open communication (with the client’s consent) to ensure the work is progressing toward the client’s goals.
Surrogate partner therapy concludes when the client feels ready to navigate intimacy challenges on their own. The ultimate goal of surrogate partner therapy is to help the client develop the confidence, skills, and emotional capacity to form healthy, independent relationships outside of the therapeutic context.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I start SPT?
All surrogate partner therapy starts with a therapist/clinician evaluation to decide whether or not SPT is a good fit for you. If your current therapist/clinician isn’t familiar with surrogate partner therapy, I’d be happy to discuss their questions/concerns with them, or point you in the direction of another therapist/clinician who will work with us.
What does the relationship between therapist/clinician and surrogate partner look like?
Between each session, your therapist/clinician and I will have a brief check-in about what was covered and how to continue to best serve you moving forward. For surrogate partnership to be successful, open communication is key and is used to ensure our work is cohesive.
How long are SPT sessions?
Sessions are 90–120 minutes long. Generally we meet two to four times a month; the duration of treatment depends on your goals and progress. Of course, you’re in control, and sessions can stop at any time for any reason.
Is SPT covered by health insurance?
SPT is not currently covered by health insurance.
Who do you work with?
I work with all individuals regardless of age, gender identity, sexual orientation, shape, size, color, and background.
How do I know if we are a good fit?
I happily offer free 30-min consultations.
Where are sessions held?
Initial meetings can be held via Zoom, but will eventually transition to in-person sessions for more hands-on work. These in-person sessions are conducted in my office, which is a safe, private, and comfortable setting.
How do we know when therapy ends?
When we (you, your therapist/clinician, and myself) mutually agree that the goals of therapy have been met, we will all work together to bring the therapy to a close in a process that celebrates and honors the relationships and experiences built. Clients may also decide that SPT is not right for them and pause or end it at any time.
Unbound Intimacy
Surrogate Partner Therapy in the Media